jieuneegoboom's Xanga

don't you know

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 08:39:25 GMT

how much i love you ?!
그럼 내 문자 씹지마 ㅆㅂ

some friends and i talked about boys and general such things of such group activities for quite a few many hours today. i try not to contribute to such conversation because i don't like to jinx myself about anything. so i don't like making comments about any guys' appearance or personality unless i am extremely close and familiar with both the girls and the boys. anyways, guess who i was thinking about the whole time???

is it really is it really is it really

i found you!

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 03:36:24 GMT

....but i can't reach you.
eventually, i guess.

my heart is all a-flutter right now!!! hee hee

오늘밤 기분이 좋네
but i can't waste 2 hours at dinner every day like this!!! auugh

i like my friends.
i wish i was honest. i wish everybody was honest. i wish everybody was nice and considerate.

too many things i wish for.

simple things

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:55:41 GMT

앓 간지러.

여기 좋은 사람들 많이 만났어요.
더욱 더욱 친해지기 바래요

그래도 아직도 매일 매일 그 사람만 색각이 나내

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:10:39 GMT

honestly, sometimes when i hear about girls who are obsessively on diets or have eating disorders, i think "나도 좀 굶어볼까 하하하하"

the ones who should not be worried about their weight are always the ones that freak out too much! and then there're girls like me who should be worried but.............. LOL

i know everybody's thinking it :D (that i'm kinda fat. i've officially acknowledged it to myself.)
but honestly. like. i would like to be skinny but.
it's okay.
it's not that big of a deal. yeah of course it bothers me a lot, but i don't really have time to think about that. yeah i feel kinda queasy inside whenever i look at how fat and short my legs are, but like, it's NOTHING compared to how i feel when i think about some other problems in my life. seriously.
so i don't think it's necessarily that i feel comfortable with how i look, or that i can accept myself without being all you know, (god knows how much i wish i did), but.... i don't know. it's okay.
i just wish i could wear pretty sundresses like all the other girls here but. it's something i have to sacrifice.
and it's okay. i've never really been that girly or anything. there were a lot of reasons for this as i was growing up but i guess it works out, whatever.

MAN F U SOCAL. i hate this culture. everybody's so obsessed about looks and weight

geocities is officially dead

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 08:01:47 GMT

;_;

(which also means that the music no longer plays on my xanga!)

i have such fond memories with geocities. i made a bunch of websites on there when i was in 7th grade.
such as the Harlem Beat fanlisting.

(when did tinypic go german???)

i always told myself that i would come back to that someday.
even now. lol. i check the fanlistings list every once in a while to make sure that no one has created a new page for harlem beat. hahaha i will probably not ever really get back to that though.
(and it reminds me of how irresponsible i am and how uncommitted i am to everything hahaha)

man i miss HB.
if i could buy any manga series (in korean) in its entirety, it would be HB... D:
i should've bought it when that 만화책방 was going out of business.
instead with all the money i had on hand, i bought full metal alchemist (first 13 volumes!!! it wasn't even finished!!! man...) and audition (chun kye young?). ok the audition was worth it because it's like, my favorite manhwa in the world. but what was i thinking? man... FMA.....

and there's the FWPA listings too.
wow what a failure that was. (because of my laziness)
i feel bad for gina T.T

anyway..........
i wish everything, every memory, every experience can be preserved in some form on the internet that i can always revisit

but things like this reminds me that the internet isn't always reliable for that haha

even this xanga, someday shall too pass.
7 years of memories... is that sad or what

i think i should use this opportunity to take up hand written journals.
since i don't even write for an audience anymore hahaha.

i was talking to travis the other day, about blogging.
i guess i was encouraging him to try it. i went into this sudden (and out-of-character) bout of deep ranting about why i do it... it's not a matter of anybody else reading it. (though the fact that it's all public kind of gives anybody the option if they should ever want to, lol.) (and also it is also fun to blog while having an audience. need to recognize the difference though.) it's not about having a super exciting interesting life, either. it's the thoughts and ideas in your head, no matter how small, irrelevant and random they may be... learning how to formulate them into words. also for me arranging it in a way that i like haha. in the end, i try to make it for myself :)

damn so much nostalgia lately. blast from the past!

i miss psycho's music blog.
i really really wish i had the chance to go through all of his music.
(lately he started a band with him on guitar and his friend on recorder lmao)

wait... he's back from the army
omfg
wow it's been over 2 years.
maybe even like, 3.
wow
wow.

god, only if i could befriend certain people without seeming like a psycho stalker. haha
(z is on my list of top 5 people i want to meet and get to know, lol.)

i'll just have to live my life forever in regret about some things

i live my life with so many regrets! haha
but trust me,
it's not what you might think hahaha...
i mean yeah, that whole ordeal with the working my rear off trying to go places and such,
of course there are things i could've done differently
of course i could've worked a lot harder
but some things are more important to me than that
though i always realize things like this too late

i wish i wasn't so hesitant to try to meet and get to know people!
so many missed opportunities.
even now, it's not too late, honestly. as long as they're not dead, right? there's always ways to find people.
even the people that are right here next to me. it's so hard
but i don't want to put myself there. even though i regret it so much haha
and i guess that makes me weak

i just wanna move on!!!

it's 2 am which means it's time for infomercials on food network.

so for the first time in like, 3 years...

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 05:20:09 GMT

i'm messing around with my xanga layout

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE GOOD OLD SIMPLE DAYS?? AND WHY ISN'T THIS LAYOUT WORKING ON FIREFOX?? WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT WORK ON FIREFOX?? EGAD

when i walk through the library......

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 04:27:40 GMT

I HAVE TO TRY REALLY HARD TO HOLD IN MY LAUGHTER

most people are on facebook
some people are sleeping in really awkward positions
i bet 95% are not really doing what they're supposed to be!
i dunno, it's just all too funny. BECAUSE I'M NEVER REALLY WORKING EITHER HAHAHA

hee hee hee

About this one creep at USC

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 07:45:28 GMT

while i am at it (at procrastinating like there's no tomorrow literally), i will write about one more thing:

so there's this guy named F---- at USC who is a big creep. he goes up to basically any asian girl and like (he's not asian), basically harasses her. this is usually how it goes:

F: hi, do you have a minute?
girl: ?
F: (starts talking about either her feet or shoes or something like that)
girl: ???
F: would you be interested in foot modeling at all?
girl: ???!?!????
F: oh, my name is F. what's yours?

and then by then the girl is either too scared or polite to tell him off, and goes along with it while he basically forces her to talk to him for a good half an hour about anything... just you know that general talk you have when you first meet somebody (where ya from, what major, etc). in the end if he is successful, he gets her name and number. and stalks them down on facebook too. eek

he basically uses this story that he and a friend made an online shoe store during the summer and they need some foot models for it. so he's basically like 'is it ok if i call you up sometime to schedule for a photoshoot?' (that's how he asks for the number lmao) or something like that. it's really creepy haha

so maybe i shouldn't judge him because i don't know what his true intentions are. i mean if his intentions are pure and he genuinely just wants to be friends with a lot of asian girls or get models for his real online shoe store, then i guess i'm in the wrong here.

but the way he talks to the girls is like really rude. he thinks he's being funny sometimes but he's really not. just rude. when the girls run into him in various places (usually the library), he might bother them in ways that are like borderline harassment. i mean even if it was some cute charming guy, you would at least be bothered. but just the fact that the girls get really creeped out says something about him, right?

so throughout the school year, very many of my asian girl friends have been bothered by him at some point or another. some are less bothered (just think it's funny and ridiculous and pretty much ignore him) but others get really freaked out, and sometimes hate walking around by themselves outside or at the library because they're afraid to run into him. one time, friend N and i were at the dining hall and he like walks by and pokes her or taps her side or something. he also likes to put his hand on girl's heads a lot. after he left, she was like (facepalm) and really creeped out. i was like "oh man if that creep ever touches you again imma tell him off and kick his ass mkjdnksjdf"

just trust me, you don't want him bothering you.

anyway so he also likes to find his victims at the library. one night when i was studying for midterms, i made a friend at the library thanks to him:

there was a girl sitting next to me. (at the time i didn't know that she was korean.) around 3 am, he comes up from behind and is like "excuse me..." and asks her if he can see her shoes. asks her what kind of shoes they are. (they're flip flops you moron!!!) and as soon as i heard him mention shoes, i knew it was him....... once they started talking and she mentioned that she was korean, i considered saying something in korean like "he's a creep and you should tell him to go away" but they i was like 'what if she genuinely likes to meet and talk to people and stuff... i don't want to look like a judgmental beezy so maybe i won't lol....'

so what was especially bad was that it was 3am in the library when there are barely any people around. and he asks if he can take her outside for a minute to talk to her!!! are you kidding me?? she was like "uhh no. can we talk here?" and basically he talks to her for a good half hour about whatever, tries to sell her the whole foot modeling thing, and GETS HER NUMBER IN THE END. i was thinking "CRAP!!! i failed her T__T i should've done something to stop this from happening." and then he eventually leaves...

after he left, i asked her if she was korean, and she said yes. we started talking... i told her that he's a creep who does that same thing to a lot of asian girls. she was like "lmao is he crazy?" so i guess she didn't buy it at all. "if he was really running a shoe store he should know what kind of shoes these are lol." she only gave him the number because she was getting a new one in a couple of days. and we started talking and stuff, etc etc... she was very nice! transfer student from korea but she's older than the usual junior. (i really thought she was a freshman though. why is everyone here older than they look -_-) so that's what it was. while he was talking to her, i thought her reaction was kind of different from the usual girls'. cus like she didn't really seem scared, more like "wtf? what's wrong with this guy?" kind of vibe. she was also constantly saying stuff like "ahahaha you're so weird. why are you talking to random girls at this time of the night?" so i guess it was because she is actually a lot older than the most of us, so she wasn't really scared by some random little boy trying to get her number in the middle of the night. i thought that was funny lol

OK THIS IS GETTING REALLY LONG but i'm not finished.

so, LAST NIGHT while i was at the library, he targets ME this time!!!
i tried my best to be not rude as much as possible. i was at least smiling the whole time lol

i was alone at the library. there was almost nobody around me. around midnight i think? (creepy, man.)
he comes up (as soon as i see him, i am almost about to burst into laughter) and starts saying something like "excuse me, but you look like the kind of girl who wears (insert some type of shoes, i don't remember what he said, something about platforms or something). am i right?"

ok I WAS WEARING SOCKS AND SLIPPERS. WOW, SOMEBODY'S DESPERATE.

so i was like ".................pfft are you going to talk to me about foot modeling? cus i'm not interested."

at this point, he thinks that i'm somebody that he's already talked to before who he just can't remember.
him: urrr yes... my name is F (holds out hand)
me: =D (just sitting there holding in my laughter)
him: uhhh.... sorry, what was your name again? you look really familiar, but i don't remember your name...
me: that's because you've never gotten my name before.
him: oh really? that's weird, because i think i've seen you before...

(yes, you have seen me before. when my friend and i are walking by you. or when you were harassing that other girl at the library. lol i didn't say this though)

me: yeah, you've bothered a lot of my friends about this foot modeling thing before.
him: like who?
me: (is he crazy?) i'm not gonna tell you lmao
him: ok well....... maybe when i ask you a third time next time, you will say yes?
me: i told you, this is the first time we've talked. and i will not say yes the next time you ask me.
him: ok... well, i'll leave you to your work, good luck with that

haha pwned

Monday, October 26, 2009

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 06:32:44 GMT

i miss the naver blog. aww

today i went to outdoor service with my new church!
they are really nice people. basically the church is like the typical fob college group in larger churches except bigger. mostly graduate international students or alumni lol. so i'm like the youngest there. there are very few undergraduate students... lol. even the 88 looks like he should be 83 or something lol. no offense. but i assumed that he was old too...

it's interesting though because there is a group of international non-korean students there too. so there's km and em. i attend whichever one. i'd like to attend both but then it takes too much time out of my sunday...

so it was nice just chilling at the park (very nice weather :D) and attending service and playing games (lol kickball) and eating so much kalbi omg!!!!!!

it is very very low key church. but it's a very nice community. one may suggest to me that i attend a different one if i want to be in an environment where everybody's ON FIRE FOR GOD!!! and stuff.

but i don't know. i kind of like this. :)

though at some point i will probably end up visiting one of the churches that my kccc friends go to, and realize that's really where i belong =o=;;;

idk idk idk.

have i mentioned kccc yet? christian fellowship. i guess i am officially a part of it hahaha.
the first time i visited it, i was kind of turned off by the fobby atmosphere.
(though now i see that it's not really. there are just a couple of individuals that are very fobby and therefore etc)
but my friend convinced me to come one more time. and then after that, some people there really encouraged me to come out to the friday gethsemane prayer service and stuff like that... and i guess i've decided to stay after all that. haha

i think it's way more than what i expected in a christian fellowship. i didn't know it would be like this! i hope to participate in it much more! right now i don't do anything except go out to chapel and meet with my soonjang unnie once a week and go to gethsemane every other week. i really want to go out to morning prayer but man...

anyway so vision conference. i didn't even think about going, especially since i had already bought my tickets for washington and back. but i kind of started wanting to go a lot lol. and so i was thinking about it and looking up plane ticket prices every once in a while. but i didn't mention it to my family since i had just blown +$400 for las vegas trip ...............

turns out that ticket prices went down a lot! and also suny gsn told me that the $200 for the vision conference itself will probably go down to something a lot lower after fund raising and stuff. (hopefully). so i was like !!! maybe i can go!!!

so i talked to my family and they support me so i guess i am going! not officially since i haven't rebooked my flight tickets or signed up for vision yet.

i'm excited to start being really active! :D

OMG I NEED TO WORK ON THIS DUMB ESSAY ARRGHJDFSN
it was due friday but we got an extension til monday but I STILL HAVEN'T WORKED ON IT AT ALL OMG AHJNKJDGD

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 00:24:25 GMT

lonely evening with lonely music and lonely memories~
(i was just reading some of my favorite old manhwa. interesting to read them in english lol)

i should go eat dinner. they have good food today at the dining halls since it's parents' weekend :)

daisuke-san, i wish i could understand you! i wish i could reach you!
not just you though. so many others. anybody. that's all i ever wished for.